Why is it that, on our one month anniversary, our only alone time comes at 10:00 at night when we are both tired, depressed(this was mainly me) and irritable?

The enemy is pretty fond of stealing joy from a marriage. He definitely wasn't happy for us as we prepared to celebrate a month of marital bliss. So he decided to attempt to create for us our own little pocket of marital hell. Thankfully, He was relatively unsuccesful this time.

We didn't really argue last night. I was just sad for some reason, and really insecure. There was nothing Tom could say to convince me that he really thinks I'm beautiful and he doesn't think that I'm fat and ugly. And the fact that he couldn't convince me of that made him feel depressed, and that led to a very solemn and hurt cloud in our apartment. He then accidentally hurt my feelings by telling me how I should have used sugar instead of honey when making the raspberry-brownie-cheescake bars that I made for the special occasion. I hate it when he tells me something like that in the middle of eating something that I worked very hard on. I don't keep sugar in the house, so I used honey, and I really don't think it made that much of a difference. So why bring it up? I didn't get angry, just more silent and sad. So he pulled away from me, and we just stopped speaking. We got ready for bed in silence and climbed into bed in silence.

But before I climbed into bed, Sarah Groves came into my head, singing "Roll to the middle"... "all the complicated wars, they end pretty simple, here when the lights go out, we roll to the middle." And when I climbed into bed, I felt a hand on my back, and I immediately rolled over and layed my head on my shoulder of safety. The funny thing was that last night was the only night this summer that I was actually cold, and, as a result, Tom's body heat didn't drive me from laying close to him.

And so there we lay, talking softly, apologizing for our attitudes, wrestling with the way we need to be love and be loved. It wasn't the way I wanted to spend my one month anniversary, but it was real. And it was a reality that we took face on and dealt with, instead of letting it fester and grow and form a bitter wall on our hearts. It wasn't a romantic evening, but it was a victorious one. And I'm glad that one month has found us building up a list of victories instead of defeats.

No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can’t be sure
That you’re gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I’m going to reach for you