I led life group last night and actually felt good about it afterward. There were no voices in my head telling me I was stupid, that I looked stupid, spoke stupid, acted stupid. Both satan and my anxiety were relatively silent.

That's never happened before. I'm still in shock that it did happen. I'm waiting for the voices to attack me, for the anxiety to grip me, for embarrasment and shame to tie me down and suffocate me. But they aren't.

I wasn't the best life group leader, the best speaker, the best anything. But I did ok. And I believed afterward that I did ok. My goal has not been to be the best at things like this, my goal has just been to get to the point where the accusations and condemnation don't paralyze me afterward. Because if they don't paralyze me, I won't be so afraid.

Maybe perfect love is finally working. Maybe my fear is being driven out.

I'm scared to hope.

But I'm hoping against hope.

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave

--Nichole Nordeman