Last night I decided that a good way to get myself to deal with my past would be to dig out my old journals and, each day, read past journal entries from that date. So, I got out a dusting rag and dug out all 9 of my journals, beginning in 2000. And this morning I sat with the stack scattered around me and attempted to read and deal. And then I wrote my emotions in my current journal:

Morning #1 of attempting to deal with the past:
I hate this.

And I'm still pretty much feeling the hatred.

Dealing sucks.