On the way to work this morning, I listened to a song that brought back so many memories. The Eleventh Hour by Jars has been in my cd player for the last week or so, and the whole cd stirs up a ton of emotion in me. It's amazing how songs can capture so much emotion and hold so many memories. It's so mystical how I can be listening to certain songs and all of a sudden have a part of me transported back to another period of time, to another stage of life that I had almost forgotten about. And with the cold morning air, the song "Silence" brought me back to a place of pain, questions, empty, broken promises, and a God that was as distant with his actions as he was close to me with his presence.

Did you leave me unbreakable?
Leave me frozen?
I've never felt so cold.
I thought you were silent.
And I thought you left me
for the wreckage and the waste.
On an empty beach of faith.
Was it true?

Cause I, I got a question
I got a question-- Where are you?

Scream, deeper I wanna scream
I want you to hear me
I want you to find me.
Cause I, I want to believe
but all I pray is wrong
and all I claim is gone.

Lord, somehow I know that I'm living in the midst of those promises you made to me years ago. But it's so different than what I thought you were promising, and the path was so unbelievably, unimaginably different from where I thought you would ever lead me, from where I though you would ever even dare to lead a person. And my promises fulfilled remind me of those that were unfulfilled. And my hopes that were answered remind me of all the hopes that were crushed. And I wish I could talk about the visions you gave me. I wish I could talk about the prayers you had me pray. I wish I could come to terms with the battles you led me to war unsuccesfully. But somehow, I know that you are here healing me, and I know that you are slowly and patiently tying up all the loose ends and mending all the rips and tears in my heart. And I trust you. I really do.