I love the gift of prophecy. I know very few who read this believe that the gift is even still around today, but I still have to say that I love it.

I've been really up and down spiritually the past year. It's been hard, because I emerged from 4 years of steady intimacy with Jesus into this rocky confusion that I can only seem to pull my head out of for a few weeks before I fall back into it again. Sunday morning I got up early to walk with my roommate, and I had an hour before I had to start getting ready for church. So I was really excited about spending an hour with Jesus. But the time was just so crappy. I could feel God's presence seeking me, yet every time I would start to really seek him back I'd get distracted. It was hard to get into the Word, and I barely had the ability to pray for Tosha and Kayla, both of whom need more prayer than I gave them.

So then I got ready and went to church, and my disposition didn't change much. I could feel the Lord's spirit during worship, sometimes so thick it seemed tangible, but yet I couldn't let it get inside and change me. I just felt indifferent toward it, which I hate. We took communion afterward, and I tried to really prepare my heart for it. But it was hard to get my mind and heart to be fully aware of the profound significance of what I was about to do. After communion I felt sick, and all I could think of was that I shouldn't have taken communion with my heart the way it was because that's probably why I felt sick.

After church, I couldn't find Tom (he had been serving communion), and that just made me super irritated. I finally found him and was about to just leave by myself and go home, but he stopped me and made me talk to him. He was really concerned, more than he usually is when I get like that, and I think he sensed that there was more wrong with my spirit than even I realized. So he took me home (we left my car at the church), and on the way home he played a beautiful Jason Upton song for me:


Psalm23
Your hands Reached into the depths of darkness
Your arms Pulled me to the light above
Your voice Spoke the word that broke my heart

Your eyes Burn with holy passion, fire, and love
You lead Me beside the quiet waters
You walk In the shadows of death’s darkened door

You make Tables right before my enemies
You take oil and then you pour it over me

The Lord is my Shepherd I will fear no evil
You are my Shepherd I will fear no evil
Surely goodness and mercy cover me

All the days of my life they cover me
Surely I’m going to dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever and ever and ever more

Then when we got to my house, we sat out in the car and the Lord just started speaking through Tom. At first I thought that Tom was just encouraging me himself, but then the things that he was saying started to be too specific and too knowledgeable about the state of my heart to be Tom. Tom knows me, but not like the Lord does. And he kept saying things that I often hope the Lord thinks of me but doubt that he really does. We both knew the Lord was speaking, and it was just so special. I started crying, and I looked over and Tom was too. It really broke through the fog that was around me and spoke the love of Jesus into my heart. It was just a really precious moment. A moment that makes you want to take off your shoes because you're on holy ground.

So anyway, I'm learning the love of Jesus more and more each day. I love, love, love how He pursues me.

And I love my prophetic future husband :)