I feel like my blog entries have been very "blah" lately, and I'm sorry about that. There are times when you just can't really express all the things going on in your heart, you know? So every time I start to write a blog entry about how I'm doing or what I'm dealing with, I end up erasing it and writing instead about Gracie's cuteness or my husband hotness(two very important subjects to me, though I'm sure not everyone feels that way).

Things have been strange in my heart; hard to comprehend and therefore hard to explain. I feel like work is being done, yet I also feel very attacked at every attempt of progress. Lethargy, depression, irritation... all these things come upon me every time I feel like I'm breaking through my chains and overcoming my fears. And it sucks, because the attacks feel so real. It really feels like I'm so tired I can barely do anything, especially ministry. It really feels like the people I enjoy the most dislike me. And it really feels like the end of the world when the kitchen floor hasn't been cleaned in a while and the table is cluttered. It's hard to break through the lies when they feel so real. Really hard.

Yet, I feel the Lord's hand upon me. I feel the callouses on my heart softening to his touch. I feel my mind being more at ease when dealing with the past. I feel a confidence coming on me that refuses to believe the lies. And I feel more ok with the fact that all my striving is in vain. So I'm resting, and believing, and hoping beyond hope. Because He's begun a good work in me, and I know that He's faithful to complete it.

Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on new man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this self I’m in
And leave it like a skin upon the ground