Blah. That's how life has been lately. So I haven't updated, because I have been blah. A very depressed and sad state of blah.

I don't like myself at all these days. Nor do I understand myself. Most of it probably has to do with the fact that I am horrible, just horrible, with change. And this year has been a perpetual state of change. And it is breaking me.

And Tom's not doing much better than I am, so that makes life hard for us. We've been loving each other a lot, and that helps most of the time. But it's just rough to be down all the time.

I hate that we are leaving in August. I hate that our community is falling apart because we are all being forced to go our separate ways. I hate that I can't live life for years to come in the same place as Rachel and Lauri and Bev and Carah and Christy and Melanie and all those whom I love so dearly. I hate that we won't be around to see Jacob grow up. And I hate that I can't have a baby right now. I hate it.

And I hate that my jeans don't fit and I have been putting zero effort into looking pretty lately.

I've just been blah. But it feels a little better when I talk about it.

(I have really cute puppies though. Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have such cute puppies? They are incredible)