My puppies make me seem senile. But really they just make me free. Free to love them without caring about what others think. So what if others will laugh at me if I jump up and down screaming "It's a party! Come get treats!" in order to get my dogs to come running back into the apartment? It works, so I do it. And it makes them smile and wiggle, so it's worth it. I'm happy to be the crazy dog lady when it comes to my puppies.

Though I do admit I was a little crazy yesterday when giving them their vitamins. While wrapping their fish oil capsules in slices of cheese, I sang them a song(a vitamin song that I made up as I went) and did a little dance to get them excited about it. And it was pretty silly. But they wiggled lots and lots and were sooo excited about their vitamins. So it was fun.

After today, I will have 3 weeks left at my job. I can't really comprehend that. It just doesn't seem real that I'll actually be free of the job that so often keeps me in a sad, foul mood. I think part of me is a little scared that the next stage of life won't bring the happiness I hope. What if I'm still sad and grumpy all the time? What if it's me, not my job, that has made me like this? What if school sucks worse than my job? I feel like I complain so much, have so many excuses... when I am tired and yell at Tom, I blame it on my job... when I break down and can't do all the ministry things that I feel I need to, I blame it on my job. But what if it isn't my job? What if I'm just a lazy sad girl? I hope that's not the case.

I think I'm really just concerned that I'll fall into the "living for the next stage of life" mentality. I don't ever want to fail to enjoy precious times just because I'm waiting for something in the future. I worked really hard during our engagement to not live for the wedding date, because I knew that if I did, the actual day would inevitably fail to live up to my expectations. And I think I did ok with that. But I still need to work to keep my mind and heart in my current stage of life. Right now I want babies. I want a belly as cute as Lauri Evans. I want to be able to stay home and take care of a little family. But I don't want to live for that stage of life. I want to enjoy today, finding joy in a tedious day at work and preparing for the evening when Tom and I can round up our puppies and drive to Louisiana to hang out with my amazing family. This is a great time, and I want to live it up. Even with it's problems, my life is really good right now.

So lets hope that I can go through life finding joy in today, with it's daily bread and daily Grace. 'Cause I know you are here today, Jesus, and I want to find you today. I don't want to miss a day of your beauty.